Monday, February 9, 2009

Disgusting...

It is late at night, I can't sleep...this is why.

I am so disgusted with myself.

I am so fat these days. I feel like a whale. Somehow I find some way to sabotage myself. Instead of going to the gym, I eat.

Part of it is guilt. I feel guilty that I work so much so I come rushing home trying to spend time with Jordy. I feel guilty that Joe is home alone with Jordy all day and want to come rushing home to help out. Joe never gets to get out of the house so it is so unfair that I would get gym time.

Then the diet thing is so rough. I want to eat 24 hours a day. Seriously I am a bottomless pit. It's not that I am eating like a horse, I am eating crap! The other day at work I ate pop tarts- one of the most unhealthy things on the planet. When I am at work I eat pretty much non stop.

The other thing that is really bothering me is that my skin is looking terrible. It is like a million wrinkles appeared overnight! Seriously where did they come from? It is like my face said one day- lets look like an 80 year old woman from now on! I don't know what to do! I take good care of my skin- washing, moisturizing, night cream....what else can I do? Perhaps I will just get into my time machine....

Another thing...I am turning into a troll! For several years I have had a "man hair" growing out of my scar on my chin. I was okay with that b/c I blamed it on the nature of the scar. Joe did a good job of plucking it for me for several years. But then at work the other day- I found another one!! Sweet merciful crap! Why is this happening to me!

Everyday I wake up and think, "This is the day. This is the day that I am gonna get on track and eat right and exercise." Then I eat like a pig, sit on the couch for hours, and feel like crap. Why do I do this to myself?

4 comments:

Heidi said...

I know that you feel some guilt and understandably so. But couldn't you and Joe take turns going to the gym while the other takes care of Jordy?

That is why I am weaning myself off of the medication that starts with an "S" because it makes me the f'ing cookie monster. All I want to do is eat, although in truth, I don't eat that much. But still the weight keeps coming.

One thing that has helped is that I have been buying fruit and I have been going to town on Watermelon chunks at night.

You are not a fat ass Katrina, and you are not a whale. Remember how much less you weigh than me. You are gorgeous and you just seem to be in a rut. You just need to get yourself out of the rut that you are in.

Feeling bad about yourself will only makes things worse. So something about it!! That is what you would tell me! No matter how much me and Joe tell you that you are gorgeous, you won't believe it until you start to feel it yourself. So get off thy ass, back away from the pop tarts (and I know those bastards put crack in them, otherwise we would be able to put them down) and start to feel good about yourself!

kindra said...

Awww, hang in there, girl. You are doing what you can. Don't be SO hard on yourself...and YOU'RE GORGEOUS!!! ;) Just ask, Joe, I think he agrees.

angela said...

Katrina--it's the hormones. Having a kid is so hard on your body. I have a recurring chin hair that gets quite long if I don't pluck it. My body just isn't as cool as it used to be. My skin is still a mess. My metabolism sucks. Just try to take small steps to make yourself feel better. If you exercise when you can and eat as healthy as you can, and most importantly, stop being so hard on yourself, you will feel better. We've all been there!!! :)

Heidi said...

See!! You should always listen to your big sister! You ARE gorgeous!!!