Thursday, May 15, 2008

Oldies but Goodies

For a friend of mine going through a break up, I wrote these years ago:

Break up Trap #20 Doing Anything 'One Last time...'After a breakup the parties involved usually display a 'fear of letting go'. From this stems the desire to do everything 'one last time'. For example: John calls Barbara and says, can we go out to dinner 0NE LAST TIME. or Barbara calls John, can we talk together ONE LAST TIME... until finally can we sleep together ONE LAST TIME. This is a huge trap that recently single people can fall into. The best way to avoid this is to call it quits, and keep it that way. When you decided that the breakup was the best decision, you decided the last times have already occurred and there is no reason now to dredge up the past. In an attempt to appease your fear of letting go, what really happens is you remember the good times, and forget about all those irritating habits your former mate had. Here is a simple way to avoid the 'One Last time Trap': The next time you want to call your former mate and say "Hey why don't we go out to dinner ONE LAST TIME" Why don't you say to yourself instead, "Hey why don't you sit around the house like the lazy ass your are, while I work my butt off all day ONE LAST TIME." or perhaps "Lets fight about all your irritating habits ONE LAST TIME" or even "Hey honey, why don't I catch you in bed with a 15 year old ONE LAST TIME" By saying these things instead you have avoided focusing on the postive and accentuating the negative.

Break Up Trap #7 Hanging on to clothes, jewelry, etc...Over the course of a relationship one can acquire a great deal of material posessions that have a direct connection to their mate. However once a break up does occur, the newly single person now faces the dilemma of what do to with all this stuff. 'Do I give it back? Do I throw it away? Do I stash it in my closet so that just incase I never find someone else I can have something to show the other spinsters in the old age home that yes I did get laid once? This is a difficult situation that must be handled delicately so that any breakup may run smoothly. In order to be succesful in you break up, it is imperative that you follow these steps:

Step Number One- Do not give anything back. This falls under Break up Trap number 20, "One Last time" because giving your former mate's things back requires seeing them. If there are belongings that MUST be given back, such as family heirlooms or expensive jewelry that for some reason can not be pawned, mail them back.

Step Number Two- Do not keep anything. You may be thinking that you want to have memories of your relationship and you want to have pictures and knick knacks to commemorate the occasion, this is a major DON'T!!! You broke up with this person because you don't like them anymore, why do you want to voluntary keep something of theirs in your house? It is liking taking a poster size picture of your worst enemy and hanging it above your bed!

Step Number Three- Burn, Throw Away, or Give AwayThe best way to avoid pining away over your former mate, is to get rid of everything that reminds you of him/her. This includes clothes, jewelry, pictures, picture frames, gifts, lingerie, CD's, tapes of love songs, furniture, etc. Do not give these items to your friends, you want them far, far away. The best way to handle the situation is to stand up in your house, get a big box and start filling it. Once you have gone through your whole house and the box is filled, take it to Goodwill or a dumpster or a bonfire, the choice is yours. Out of sight out of mind, which is where you want your ex to be, out of your mind!